Perfection.

December 27, 2015

Gazing through the living room window I stare in wonder at the swirling snowflakes creating a sparkling white blanket over the dirty, brown earth.

Today is my 30^th birthday and for once I’m the first one up. Normally, long before the sun comes up little figures start to appear at my bedside, with whispered words like: “Mom, I’m so hungry.” or “Mom, can I play Ipad!” or just “MOOOOM” (which in Alexander’s baby language means “I’m done sleeping! I wanna come out! Now!”). But not this morning; for some reason they’re all still sound asleep and I soak in the golden silence of the moment.

Standing there, wrapped warmly in my housecoat, I silently thank God for giving me thirty birthdays and for His special gift of snow! After the past seven tropical birthdays a winter one with snow is definitely a special treat!

30, I really should really have my life together by now, I muse.  In the weeks prior to this milestone, I had already come up with a whole list of new resolutions that were going to make me perfect somehow. 

These included:

Being thankful for what I had, instead of always wanting more.

Being a God pleaser, instead of a people pleaser.

Abiding in Christ.

Loving others.

Not judging.

Talking less, listening more.

Taking the time to understand others.

Showing grace to others and remembering that every one has their own trials and struggles.

Showing grace to myself.

Praying.

Encouraging others.

And treating every day like it’s my last and my best.

(And of course there was the: eat less chocolate, exercise daily and drink more water; but that seemed to be a yearly standard on my resolution list!)

It all sounded wonderful of course, but standing there now, I realized something. I couldn’t do it. Regardless of how wonderful those resolutions may be I was going to fail. I was going to get tired; I was going to get cranky; I was going to get frustrated; and I was going to fail; and fail again and again and again.

I thought back to Christmas day, only two days prior, and how I so badly wanted the day to be perfect. But it didn’t take long for perfection to mar. We were running late for the Christmas day church service, and I for one HATE rushing, so I got frustrated with my husband and then as I was rushing the kids out of the van and into church, Justin face planted on the icy parking lot so he started to scream and howl. As I dragged him to the nursery, people around us tried not to stare and I struggled to keep my composure. Inside, I was frustrated, angry, disappointed; this was NOT how I pictured Christmas day going at all! And right then and there God ever so gently reminded me that that was why Jesus had come. Because we were broken people, living in a broken world and only He could come to save us. I needed to stop trying to be so perfect and stop trying to make everything so perfect because it was in the imperfections and brokenness of this life we saw our need for Him.   

He had come for sinners who could never get it right, and than just like the snow now blanketed the dirty earth HE would perfect us and clothe us with HIS righteousness.