Better Than Waiting For Morning

I stir restlessly in my sleep. The small battery operated fan perched haphazardly beside my pillow whirs loudly. Opening my eyes I squint through the thick darkness, searching for the glow of the small light on the outlet showing city power is on, but there's no light to be seen. 

I let my head fall back against the pillow and close my eyes. I should have listened to my husband when we talked on the phone last night and he told me to run the generator for awhile, but I had been too tired and since city power had been coming on later and later, I had hoped it would come on some time during the night. 

I sure missed Jason who had been in Florida for the past few days for his yearly pilot medical exam, especially with the way the weekend had gone. Wishing there was a thought switch that could be turned off, I try to go back to sleep but to no avail; our backup batteries our not going to last much longer even though I had unplugged the refrigerator and the water purification system.   

"Waa...," I know the instant the batteries die by Justin's scared cries. Sitting up, I inch my way through the thick darkness, careful not to trip, especially now with the added clumsiness of a 5 month pregnant belly. Opening the door to the boy's room I can't see a thing. "Justin, Mommy's here. Come to Mommy," I call out to him.  

Hearing my voice he fumbles in my direction and seconds later I have him in my arms. Too tired to turn the noisy generator on and then later off again, I carry my boy back to bed with me and get him comfortable. I know it will just be a matter of time before Jayden, who is sleeping in the guest room, also wakes up. The boys always wake up when their fans shut off.

Straining to hear any sound from the other room, I am soon rewarded with some stumbling in the hallway. "Mom, my night light turned off." I hear Jayden's sleepy voice. "That's because the power is out. Just come crawl in bed on Daddy's side." "Okay."  

I reach for my cellphone and check the time; 4:20 a.m.. The next few hours before sunrise are going to drag by. I sigh. I don't normally let the kids in bed since neither of them can lay still. Awake or asleep they are constantly in motion, making it next to impossible for me to  sleep. Suddenly remorseful I think of the mother's out there who have lost children. I'm sure they would give anything to spend a few sleepless hours cuddling with their kids, I remind myself.  

I reach for Justin who's in the middle of the bed and snuggle him closer. He pets my hair with his small hand. Curling up I try to get as comfortable as possible, more difficult lately with my growing belly. Thoughts of the last few days replay in my mind. 

I had taken Sabboule, Anoud and Denise's six year old son, with possible meningitis symptoms from one hospital to another on Saturday. Nothing is ever easy in Haiti and it had taken half the day to finally get him admitted to a hospital. There he still had to wait, and when a bed was finally available there was no sheets or pillows, or water or food or anything. All medication that was prescribed had to be found by the patients family in various pharmacies. Two days later tests were still being done and no results had yet been given. 

Thankfully he wasn't getting worse and was actually showing some signs of improvement. The last few days however had been extra busy for me, who was currently minus a husband and taking care of Anoud and Denise's three other children, making them meals and doing extra laundry. 

Although I can't sleep with the wiggling boys, I reminded myself I at least have a bed to lay down in. Anoud who hadn't left the hospital at all since his son was admitted had been sitting on a chair for days, with no where to lay down to rest. 

Peering through the partially open curtain I search for just a hint of light. Not finding any I remember how beautiful first light is when you catch the glimmers through an airplane window.


There's better things to wait for then morning though, I remind myself as I remember the words of Psalm 130:6 My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. 

God is always there, in the darkness, in the light, through the trials and joys. 

The morning Jason had left for Florida, God had again reminded me of the words in Joshua 1:7a and 9. Only be thou strong and very courageous,... Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.