Surgery

“Mom, I want the green one.” I lay the smaller, yellow hospital gown back on the bed and reach for the larger, green striped one instead. “Okay, Jay.” I help him get changed and then hand him his special blanket. 

“Can I kuffle with you now, Mom?” Big blue eyes look up at me questioningly and my eyes tear slightly. ‘Kuffle’ is his special word for cuddle and today I might just need it as much as him. Pulling him close I wrap my arms around him and gently kiss his head. This year marks several big milestones in his life which include; a brand new baby brother, his fifth birthday, first visit to the dentist, and today his first surgery. 

Shortly after birth Jayden developed an umbilical hernia and today is the day the Surgeon’s hope to fix it. Since they sometimes close on their own, our family Doctor recommended waiting till Jayden was 5 to get it fixed. Now that his 5th birthday has come and gone, surgery is scheduled for today. 

“Are you ready Jayden?” The kind, elderly nurse Pat, completes the final checks and he nods bravely.

She then takes us to the family room where Jayden can play for a few minutes while the Doctor and Anesthesiologist talk to us. “Which one of you would like to be with Jayden when we put him under?” they question. Jason quickly volunteers and I’m secretly relieved. Although I want to be there for him, I’d rather not watch my boy be medicated into unconsciousness. 

A nurse comes a few minutes later with a hospital gown for Jason to wear over his clothes, surgical hat and shoe protectors. Things happen quickly after that and I hardly have time to squeeze Jayden’s hand and whisper ‘I love you’ before he’s whisked awake. Trying to control my anxiety, I lift him up in prayer to God. 

On the drive to hospital this morning we sang the song, ‘He’s got the whole world in His hands’ and put each one of our names in the lyrics. These last few nights I’ve been struggling with anxiety, something which manifests itself with painful, sensitive teeth in the morning due to grinding, and the song served as a gentle reminder that no matter how much I love him, Jayden belongs to God and not to me. 

Closing my eyes I take this time to cast my cares on Him. 

What feels like hours later, a sober faced nurse steps into the waiting area and calls out, “Parents of Jayden?” I leave Justin with a friendly hospital volunteer since babies aren’t allowed in recovery and together with Jason follow the nurse down a maze of hallways. She doesn’t say anything and we look at each other worriedly. “This is a little scary isn’t it?” Jason turns to look at me and I nod, unable to speak. 

When I spot Jayden’s small form lying on a child sized hospital bed through the open doors of the recovery room, I breathe a sigh of relief. Still groggy he manages to give me a reassuring smile, and my heart melts. Blinking back tears I squeeze his hand, all the while silently thanking God that His mercies are new every morning.