A Chris the Cockroach Story

I’m just brushing my teeth when out of the corner of my eye I see a brown bug go streaking by. Okay, I’ve accepted the fact that cockroaches are a part of life here and that I’m going to see an occasional one in the kitchen or traipsing through the living room, but my bedroom and bathroom are off limits! I pull of my flip flop and advance. Where did he go? I check the door frame and sure enough I find him sitting motionless, trying to blend in with the knotted wood. Thwack. I got him, but not hard enough. He races at me and runs right over my now barefoot! “AAHH!!” I scream. “What’s going on Will?” Jason asks, sitting up in bed. “A cockroach just ran over my FOOT!!!” “You should be used to them by now, a little cockroach, no big deal!” He replies. “Can you get the cockroach spray, while I keep an eye on him?” I ask. “I think the spray can is empty, plus that stuff is bad for you,” Jason replies not wanting to get up. “No worse, then what my imagination will do to me if I don’t kill him tonight!” I reply. I walk to the kitchen and find the spray can. It still feels at least half full. Getting fumigated is a slower death then death by flip flop, but it is foolproof, and that is what I’m after. A few minutes later I find Chris the cockroach hiding under the bathroom cupboards and I position the spray can. As soon as the spray hits Chris he takes off up into the cupboards. Oh well, he’s going to die now, I figure, reassured. I quickly open the screened bathroom windows and then close the door. Problem solved. Or is it? With the light still on, Jason and I talk some more about our day. Suddenly something comes flying out from under the bathroom door, straight at us. I scream and roll off the bed. Jason reacts to my abandoning ship by quickly jumping out on his side. Chris the cockroach is going crazy from the spray, and the worst thing is, is that he is flying madly around our bedroom! “Cockroaches aren’t supposed to fly! They’re supposed to run!” I chase him off our bed and he flies smack into the closed bedroom door! “This is so gross!!! You kill him Jason,” I yell. “You are doing a great job!” He replies sitting back on the bed trying to appear nonchalant. “But this one scares me, a crazy flying cockroach! You’re the guy!” I try to reason with him. “You aren’t going to fall asleep tonight if you don’t kill him, so just get it over with”, Jason replies as calmly as he can. Calm, that is until the cockroach zings through the sky and lands back on our bed! Jason jumps off in a hurry and backs up. “See, I knew it, he’s scaring you too! You just don’t want to admit it because you are a guy!!” Just hit it with your flip flop,” Jason counsels. “On our bed?” I reply. “I don’t think so!” I chase him off and Chris shoots off like a canon again straight at the door. I advance bravely with my flip flop only to have Chris change his mind and attack me! I scream as he latches onto my shirt! Anoud and Denise must be wondering what is going on, the thought flashes through my mind, as I begin to jump wildly around, still screaming. “GET OFF ME.” He falls down onto the floor and this time I’m not letting him get away! Thwack, Thwack, Thwack. He’s still kicking. Okay, a few more times. There. I walk to the bathroom to get a tissue and then pick up the squashed Chris. He’s fairly big for a cockroach, but still, one bug shouldn’t cause so much trouble. They say for every one you see, there is at least 15 you don’t, so I hold him up. Beware cockroaches! I flush him down the toilet and then crawl back into bed exhausted. With the lights out, my imagination starts going wild. I feel cockroaches here, there and everywhere. I fidget and scratch and fidget some more. “I can feel them everywhere,” I whisper to Jason in the dark. A second later, two fingers like little feet climb up my arm! I lay motionless, I’m going to get you back Jason, I think to myself. With my right arm I make an arc through the sky and then land my fingers on his chest! He jumps! I laugh. That’s what you get! We both start to laugh about our silliness. Eventually it becomes quiet again. Dark and quiet. I can still feel them. I sigh. It’s going to be a long night.